Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Day 14

So I took a test online today. It was to determine how much of an aspie I am. The quiz can be found here:

And these are my results:
It looks like a misshapen ass to me.
Your Aspie score: 91 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 125 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits

So I guess that means I'm only slightly an aspie? Interesting, given my recent social anxiety attacks and the fact that I prefer the computer over the real world, I would have thought my score would have been much higher.

Anyway, that's all I really have to update with today. Maybe tomorrow I'll update with nothing but hot naked chicks. I could use a good fap.  

Monday, September 27, 2010

Day 13

Sweet Christ, I learned a valuable lesson last night. Don't attempt to go out to eat on a Sunday night unless you book a table in advance (where applicable). My family and I decided that we wanted to go to Golden Corral last night. For those of you who aren't familiar with it, Golden Corral is a buffet style restaurant, but it's much nicer in quality than any other buffet type place. We drove past and there was a line out the door. We decided to say screw it and we went to a place called Texas Roadhouse.

We pull up and head for the door, where there is a puddle of vomit. "Who's hungry" I quipped. as we went into the building. The hostess handed us one of those vibrating devices that buzzes when your table is ready and told us it would be a 25-35 minute wait. We went to go sit in the car (because all of the seating space inside was packed) and looked over the menu. After deciding that it wasn't really worth the wait, we took the device and menu back to the hostess and decided to go and see if Olive Garden was any better.

We drive over there and it looks pretty decent. There's plenty of parking, and inside doesn't look too busy. As we turn the corner and see the door however, there are people waiting outside and we send my sister to go see how long a wait it will be so that my grandmother won't have to walk all the way to the door for nothing. She comes back and says that the wait would be 35-50 minutes.

We all decide to head back to the Golden Corral because waiting in the line would only be a 5 minute wait or so. We're in line and it's packed. Immediately my hand starts to shake and I'm starting to get the same feeling I had when I had my anxiety attack last weekend. Finally we get through the line and get to a table. We have dinner get dessert and go home.

I know I shouldn't bitch about the obvious, but god damn I hate waiting. Sometimes I can be patient, but other times, I want it right fucking now. Anyway, that's my update for today. See you later internets.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Day 12 continued...

So last night, I'm laying around in my boxers, cock half hanging out in the event of the sudden urge to jack off, when I get a text from one of my buddies.

"Hey, you gonna be around for a while?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Be there in 5 minutes"

I get some clothes on and go wait for him to arrive. He comes in and we go out to the garage to chat and he reveals he's going through personal shit and he wants to get wasted. He pulls out several 40s and begins to down one. Meanwhile I'm thinking, "Dude. I was relaxed, and enjoying my night... Why are you doing this?" So he and I chat and I try to help him work through his issues. I also drink one of his drinks, because I know that if I drink it, that's less for him to get drunk with.

After about an hour and a half or so, he takes off to go to a different friends house and I'm back to doing what I was before. Nothing.

I'm happy to help my friends, and I've known the guy for years, but this was the first time he ever dropped in this way. He was hurting and kept saying he wanted to "get totally shitfaced". I guess it's kind of rude for me to think about it this way but, I really didn't want to have to deal with it. I just sat there praying silently to myself that he'd go home soon, because I wanted to be able to just go and veg in front of my tv. So part of me is a good friend who listens and tries to help, and the other part is kind of a selfish douche.

Anyway, that's all I have for today, so here's a hot half naked chick.

Mmmm hot half naked chick *Drool noises*
See ya later internets.

Saturday, September 25, 2010


You know what I really, REALLY fucking hate.

I hate that my fucking cunt of a little sister is allowed to run around the house like the goddamned queen of the world, just because she works a fucking part time retail job. I do everything around this house, but she doesn't lift a fucking finger. She's catered to. Mom does everything for her and she doesn't do shit. "I have a job, I don't have to do anything."


Venting feels good. I think I'll make this a regular statement when something pisses me off.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Day 11

Sorry about the lack of updates. I just haven't really been in a writing mood. I'll make this a quick update though. My team and I went to the bar last night to meet with the girls who wanted us to come to their theme party. It went really well.

The two main girls we're dealing with are total MILFs. The one bartender had these simply amazing tits that just begged to be sucked on. Not only that, but all the waitresses are fucking hot too. I'm going to find it impossible to concentrate, because they'll all be wearing this outfit:
Moar like "Nutbusters' amirite?

So yeah, if you live in Illinois and want to see hot chicks dressed like that, come to Durbin's in Midlothian on Saturday October 23rd. Party starts at 10.

Monday, September 20, 2010

The Weekend

Ok, Friday was uneventful, nothing happened, let's move onto the main event.

Saturday morning I awoke to voices coming from the kitchen. It was my family and some of my mom's friends. They were getting ready to head out to a fundraiser for a local guy who had recently become paralyzed. I asked what was going to be there, and they said, "Oh there's all kinds of food and games, plus a TON of stuff they're raffling off for the event!"

I decided to check it out, because hey, who doesn't love winning stuff? I showered and we headed out to the site where this was all going down. It was packed. Like "suck in you gut to get through the crowd" packed. After finding a table, my sister and mother went to get food while I sat there with my grandma. After about 30 minutes of being there, I started to freak the fuck out. My hand started shaking and I just knew I had to get out of there. My family asked what was wrong, and I told them I needed to go. I needed to get out.

I ran outside to the car and the shaking wasn't letting up. I picked up my phone and texted my sister asking her to take me back home. She refused and sent Mom to talk to me. After explaining that I was freaking out and nearly bursting into tears, she drove me back home. As soon as I got there I crawled right into bed and stayed there for an hour.

So yes, I learned I have anxiety issues the hard way. But it weird, because I've gone to much more crowded places than that and never had a reaction, so why did I freak out then? Can a person develop anxiety problems suddenly?

Anyway, that night when the rest of the family got home, my sister took me to Blockbuster and I picked up Red Dead Redemption. I'm loving the shit out of it, and I'm going to go play some more right now.

See you later internets.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Day 10

Today I'd like to talk about my sex drive, and my insomnia. Two topics that are seemingly unrelated, but stick with me, you'll see.

I have an awesome (read unquenchable) sex drive. I have to fap a minimum of 4-6 times a day just to alleviate myself of blue balls. I have virtually no refractory period, which means I can fap til I cum, load up a different porn vid, and start all over again. It's insane. I've never measured, but I'm fairly sure that the amount of cum I ejaculate doesn't decrease much until that 6th (or 7th or 8th) time. I need to find a girl to be a sexual scientist and help me out with this task. She could wear thigh highs with a tiny white lab coat and not much else. Mmm yeah, she'd stroke my cock until I was ready to fill a beaker with my hot, thick...

Er.. sorry, one track mind.

Anyway! So you may be asking, "How does your mutant fap ability tie into insomnia?" Well, if you'd just shut up a minute and let me talk, I'll tell you. Because of my ability to fap multiple times in succession, I've built up a great stamina to it. So when I'm awake all night, trying to get to sleep, I can't fap to make myself tired. If some people need to make themselves tired, they fap (or my favorite, shlick) until they cum and then pass out. I can't do that. I wish I could, but my stamina for fapping is really high. So I often find myself, lying awake until 3 or 4 or even 5am. I don't want to use sleeping pills too often, because of the risk of dependency. So all I can really do is just try to fap myself to sleep.

Anyway, there's my little rant for the day. See you later internets.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Day 9

I really have no idea what to update with, so I think I'm just going to try a free writing exercise.

The only problem with free writing is that it's hard to think of a topic to start writing about. Generally I encounter this problem 90% of the times, and thus it negates my attempt at a successful experiment. I suppose that's the way of it though. i never was particularly good at science. Well, actually I was ok at it, but I'm terrible at math. I barely passed my high school algebra class. Math has always been my worst subject, and when I found out that the science I loved so much would involve a lot of math, I gave up my ambitions to be a scientist. I've always been more left brained anyway. I'd much rather create original ideas rather than expand upon established ones. That's why I write. I write because it's a way for me to create and put out my own thoughts and ideas. It was in my senior year of high school that I realized this to it's full potential and I made steps to work at becoming a film maker.

I love movies, and I have always loved to entertain people. I was always in plays and musicals, I was in choir in high school, and in college (for the one semester I went anyway) I took two classes for video production and editing. I soon realized however, that editing was not my forte. I essentially passed by the skin of my teeth but I knew it wasn't for me. After that semester is when I moved to Chicago. I haven't been able to find any affordable colleges around me that offer classes that would be beneficial to my dream of being a film maker, so right now that dream is on the back burner. I have thought about pursuing a career in photography in the meantime. I like photography enough, and it would give me a great excuse to shoot models in the nude. Which, I must admit, sounds like an amazing thing.

And that's all I can think of to write about right now.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

The birds and the bees part II, or: Why the bird wears a leather corset and the bee wants to be called Master

Yesterday I had talked about physical attractors. And god help me I really just love the female body as a whole, so narrowing it down to just my top three was a bit of a challenge.

Today, we tackle fetish/kink territory. As I divulge my top 3 sexual fetishes/kinks. So, without further procrastubation. (Urban Dictionary it), here's my top three fetishes/kinks:

Number 1: Daddy/Daughter ageplay.
I'll be the first to admit, for some, this is a bit of a squick. But it's not as bad as it sounds. I've been a DaddyDom for nearly 5 years now and I can safely assure my readers that it has as much to do with incest, as it does..I dunno, baking a pie.

Daddy/Daugter play is a subset of standard BDSM. Daddy not only controls his "baby girl" (as in a typical Master/slave situation) he also takes care of her and she takes care of him. It's hard to explain, but for me, nothing is more gratifying. Currently, I have an amazing "baby girl" and she is everything I have ever wanted to find in a partner.

Number 2: Legwear
Oh god do I love nothing more than legs in thigh highs/stockings/socks/nylons etc. I wish I knew where I developed this fetish, but god damn I love it so. My baby girl knows that this is essentially my kryptonite, and she tries to exploit this fact (which often results in a punishment). Bare legs are sexy, sure, but throw on some knee high socks, or thigh high fishnets? Dear god I fucking go from not horny at all, to full on throbbing in no time.
Most people are looking at her tits or pussy. I'm fapping to DEM LEGS UNF!

Sure, nude is sexy, but add some accessories, and it's downright orgasmic.

Number 3: Female Masturbation

Technically I don't know if this can count for being a fetish or kink. I guess for me it ties into voyeurism. I love seeing a girl masturbate. I love hearing a girl masturbate. Fuck, I just love when girls talk about how turned on they are, how wet they get, how they need to touch themselves. I have had the good fortune to see quite a few girls fucking themselves on cam for me. I've also been privy to many phone sex sessions. Watching/listening to a girl fucking herself is something that may not be a fetish for some, but to me, it is.
Brb, gonna fap.

This is actually one I can trace back to when I was a young lad first learning about porn. See, my cousin used to live with us, and he was older than me by many years. One day I went down to his room and found a tape titled "America's Raunchiest Home Videos". I was sure it was porn, but I wanted to know what kind. I popped it in his VCR and the tape started up. The scene was a young woman tanning in her backyard. She started clothed, rubbing herself. Eventually she was naked and the camera was focused on her fingers as they teased and toyed her clit. Watching this forever made me an addict for female masturbation.

So there you have it, my top three fetishes/kinks.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

The birds and the bees.

Ok, so let's face it, everyone loves sex. Sex, masturbation, fetishes. Those are always the popular topics.

In today's post I'm going to reveal a few of my favorite turn-ons and kinks. These are the top 3 physical attractors for me:

1. Legs. Oh god legs.
I wish I knew where it began, but for me, the sexiest part of a girl is her legs. Long slender ones, curvy ones with big thighs. (Not whale, just you know, curvy) I absolutely love legs.I also love things that go on legs. Thigh highs, knee highs, stocking, name it. Nothing drive me wilder than a pair of hot legs in fishnet thigh highs. UNF

What a pair of legs in fishnets might look like.

2: Eyes.
If a girl has the right pair, and she gives you that look, it's over. It's the look that says, "You. Me. Now." and it is irresistible.

GIS for Bedroom eyes without the filter gave me gay porn results.

3. Ass.
Ok this is my most "typical guy" choice on this list. It ties into the legs though, because nothing is sexier that a pair of gorgeous legs that get capped off with a round, firm, utterly spank-able booty. Sir Mix-a-lot certainly had the right idea.
Best. Huddle. EVER.

So those are the top three physical aspects of a woman's body that I just find completely intoxicating. Stay tuned for tomorrow's update, wherein I'll be discussing fetish, kink, and the kind of stuff that will make your parents question your browser history.

Now if you'll excuse me, GIS for these images has left me with a rager, so I'm going load up some videos and beat my dick like it owes me money.  See you later internets!

Monday, September 13, 2010

Late Night

And now for a segment I like to call, "Slacker: After Dark".

I'm currently in my boxers, and fapping. After that I'm going to play some X-Box and then go to bed.

Feels good to fap after a long day.

Day 6

So I talked last night about masturbation, and my follower number increases like crazy...

Yesterday as you all know, I had some difficulties regarding my fap-time. I was interrupted and had to wait until late last night to finish what I had started. Luckily my long distance girlfriend was also feeling particularly worked up, so we phone sex'd. God damn I love hearing her moan and talk dirty.

After our escapade I felt insanely tired and ended up passing out at about 1am, which is fairly early for me. I woke up this morning at about 10:30am to the sound of my mother shouting my name from the top of the basement stairs. "ZACH! Wake up so we can go get your new glasses!"

A quick shower and we were out the door. (I say we, dear readers, because I currently do not have a license to drive a car. I never learned how to drive and every time I get behind the wheel I nearly get into an accident. As such, I am terrified of driving.) So we get there and I try on my new "hipster" looking glasses.

So that's what's been going on today. See you later internets.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Fission Mailed

Karma is a bitch. So I'm sitting there, working closer toward my endgame (aka fapping hard, ready to cum) when I hear the front door open. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUU

I had to abort.

Reason being, is because my own computer is broken right now, so I've been using my mom's until I can get the replacement hard drive I need.
So I guess for now, I'll have to use my smart phone as God intended. Looking up porn and jerking it in the privacy of my man-cave.


Empty house. Fap time begins now.

Day 5

Yesterday was fairly average. I did some yard work, played some Xbox, had dinner. You know, my usual routine for the most part. Then at about 10pm I get a text from my sister. My sister who happens to live in the same house as me, but is too lazy to come down to the basement to ask me her question in person.

"Will you go to wally world with me?" (Wally world being a nickname for Wal-Mart)

I oblige on the condition that she buy me some candy, and we set off for Wal-Mart. I ask why we're there and she tells me she's got baking fever and she wants to bake something neat out of her fancy cup-cake book. So we buy all kinds of things and she decides that she (and by proxy, myself), is going to bake Koi fish cup-cakes.

So we get home and start the baking and get everything ready. I gotta say, they didn't come out half bad:

To make them, we used regular vanilla cake mix, vanilla frosting tinted with blue and a tiny bit of green and two circus peanuts for the fish's body and fins. The eyes are resse's pieces for the base and the tips of chocolate chips for the pupils. The mouth is just a cheerio. She only had time to decorate the one (mind you, it was past 12am by now and she had to work early this morning), but tonight we're going to make a whole batch of Koi cup-cakes.

That's all for now, check ya later internets.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Day 4

Yesterday was interesting. While doing my usual morning routine (wake up, piss, check the internet) I noticed an email from the lady who's organizing the Ghostbusters theme party at the bar. She had asked for a picture to put on the flier so that she could advertise us, and then asked about price.

Now, paying gigs as a fan-costumer are few and far between, so I had no idea what to ask for. I thought about it and decided that since most of us drink, I'd like to have our drinks comped for the night, and have them pay us each $20. The reason for that being, if they didn't comp our drinks, it would have been about $50 per tean member which would have gone right back into their bar anyway. I sent her an email with that offer and a picture of our custom logo.

She replied back last night around 8pm and she agreed to my terms. She even added that we could each get some food comped as well. I was over the moon! My first outing as the team's "CFO" was a success (in my eyes anyway). I am also looking up Ghostbuster/Paranormal themed drink recipes so that we we have our meeting with the girl, we can have idea ready in case she needs them. She's already asked about how to get or make slime, and it so happens that our "CEO" knows how to whip up some great slime. So hopefully we can get together at the bar this weekend to chat about the party and go over any minor details that need to be hammered out.

After all that excitement, I passed out around 2 and had (surprise surprise) Ghostbuster-related dreams. I woke up to a cold, rainy day and an empty house. And other than dropping half of my glasses (they're broken, supposed to be getting new ones this weekend)in a piss filled toilet, I think it's going to be a good day.

See you later internets.

Friday, September 10, 2010


So apparently this gig for ghostbusting at the bar is a paying job. I had no idea until the lady who contacted me asked about our price. Seeing as I'm the PR guy and not the CFO, I had no idea what to tell her. So i asked for what I thought was fair. $20 for each of us and all our booze comped.

I really really hope she agrees.

Day 3

Ok, last night's dinner part wasn't a total failure. Dinner went well, polite conversation and no big fuck-ups. It was dessert that made me retreat to my mancave. I can't recall the exact details, but in ended up being that my mother was the one to get upset with me for some reason, and bring up my unemployment as an insult.

After going back down into my room (yes, I am a stereotypical basement dwelling neckbeard hipster), I played some more of that wrestling game my friend loaned me. I managed to make my guy the champion of almost every path, but I stopped to watch some TV. Around 3am I finally got tired enough to go lay down and get some sleep.

My dreams last night were odd. In my dream, I was at a big house with my friends. One friend started giving away a bunch of stuff and I found myself suddenly wearing a poncho and a hat like Clint Eastwood in "A Fistful of Dollars" and I turned to see either a mirror where I looked exactly like Clint did, or Clint himself in that outfit. Next thing I know, in the dream I have to take a piss really bad, but every bathroom I run into in this big house has a girl in the tub bathing. I only saw legs and feet, but I knew they were female. So finding no bathroom in my dreams, my body decided it was time to wake up and find a bathroom in the real world.

And that's how I started my morning.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Day 2

Yesterday was more of the same. I woke up, had lunch, surfed a few sites, hand dinner, and then stayed up til 3am playing video games and fapping. Pretty much the pattern of my life right now. Though last night I did talk "business" with a friend of mine regard a gig we've been asked to attend at a local bar & grill in October.

See, we're Ghostbusters. Not like TAPS or those paranormal investigators you see on tv. I mean actual "I aint 'fraid of no ghost", proton pack wearing, ecto-mobile driving Ghostbusters. I've been a part of the Ghostbusters: Chicago Division for roughly 8 years. I've got my own uniform with my name on it, and I used to have my own pack but sadly, during April's C2E2 convention, I damaged my pack beyond repair.

Anyway, that's why my friend came over. We were discussing ideas for building him and myself a new set of equipment. He wants to build himself a custom thing, where I favor the more "traditional" movie style packs. This guy has built them before and they are top quality. He makes them with lights, sounds, and a rumble vibration when you "fire" the neutrona wand. (The gun part). So we're hoping to crank out something simple in time for the gig and Halloween.

Last night when he came over, my buddy also dropped off his copy of WWE Smackdown vs. Raw 2009 Featuring ECW. Now I don't watch wrestling these days, but the game is pretty fun. He's brought it over for us to play with friends before, I just haven't had the chance to try the single player. So I asked him if I could borrow it and I spent most of last night creating a character and then putting him through career mode. My character "The Blue Lantern" won the Intercontinental championship belt, and is on his way to the ECW title belt.

Tonight is going to be hell though. My sister's boyfriend and his family are coming over for a dinner "party". My idea of a party is not to sit there while some weirdos pester me with questions about why I don't have a job. So I have to suffer through that for a while. Luckily as soon as I'm done with dinner I can retreat back to my room to play games.

Anyway, I've got to take off for now. See you later internets.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Day 1

So today I woke up and stripped the bed of the sheets and pillowcases. I figure it's time I gave them a wash, since I haven't done so in a while. Last night I stayed up until 3am watching TV, playing Xbox, and fapping. A fairly typical night.

Today I don't have anything planned really (as per usual), so I'm just kind of being lazy right now. Surfing the net and maybe making some lunch later when I get hungry. Then I'll play some more Left4Dead 2. Well, the demo actually. I don't have the money to go out and buy the full game, though I really want it. The only games I own are Ghostbusters, Crackdown (the first one), Too Human, Halo: ODST/Forza 3 (a combo pack that came with the Xbox when I bought it), and Jade Empire.

The first thing I do when I get some income (after giving some to my mom for rent) will be to buy a couple of games. So here's my list of the top 5 games I really want to buy:

5.Transformers: War for Cybertron
4.Batman: Arkham Asylum
3.Left4Dead 2
2.Just Cause 2
1.Red Dead Redemption

Those are the games I really fucking want to play right now. I have heard good things about all of them and I will buy them all as soon as I can find a job and get some money. I was thinking of maybe applying at GameStop. I figure, it's an easy enough gig and I bet that employee discount would come in handy. Though I'm not sure if working there is the best idea, since half my paycheck would be funneled right back into the company from all the games I'd be buying.

Anyway, I'm out for now.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010


Hello out there in internet land, and welcome to the world of a 24 year old slacker. I'm your average 24 year old with a few minor differences. The first being, I never finished college. In fact, I barely started college.

I took one semester of courses at a community college back in 04, but I have never gone back. In fact, I don't even know what I'd take if I did go back. I just can't seem to find any course that suits me, aside from courses for film making of course. But, since I live in a small mid-western town, no colleges around me offer such programs. At least, not on my budget.

Now, not going to college isn't that terrible. I'm sure a lot of you out there are reading this and saying, "But Zach, I didn't go to college either, and I still found a job I enjoy and make a decent living from." Well that's good for you, but sadly I'm also unemployed. I've been out of work since January. Of 09. So I am, by all accounts, a slacker in every sense of the word. I have no schooling beyond high school, and no job or career prospects.

So you may be asking, "Then...what is this blog going to be about?"
The answer: "Nothing"

It's going to be a blog about the life and times of a jobless slacker. I have nothing to bring to the table, and I can't promise exciting stories, but I will say this:

Stick around. It'll prove to be interesting.